listening skills 101

Why don’t you listen to me?

It has been said many times that “we have two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we talk”. The premise is understood but what it really means is we can hear more than we can say.

Hearing is not the same as listening. The human mind has developed to hear multiple things at one time. Listening has more to do with conscious thinking.

We can only consciously think one thing at a time, so if our mind is busy thinking of a fluffy bunny, nothing else can get in until we stop thinking of a fluffy bunny. I’ll just wait for your mind to catch up….

So when we hear something we must decide if we want to think about that particular thing, and there is a lot of clutter and noise going on so we need to dismiss all of the non-important noise.

If for example, I was talking to you about an upcoming event and next to where we are standing a siren sounds, what takes priority?

Our mind has been conditioned to react to the siren (an important noise) because it indicates danger, our mind starts thinking of what danger we may be in and the words I have spoken are lost to the danger thinking.

This is not a bad thing and it is based on survival instincts, the action we take next is important in the art of listening.

Once we have determined we are not in danger we can focus our thinking back on the conversation. This is the time we need to stop and say, “I did not get the last part you were talking about I got distracted, can you please repeat it?”

When there are many distractions (to any of our senses) we will need to take the conversation to a quieter location where we can focus on what is being said and decide to think about the words that are spoken.

Where that is not possible that is when we ask the person speaking to provide us with some written material we can take away or ask them to email information etc.

On the reverse side, if we want someone to listen to us we can set up a location that is quiet so they can focus on what we are saying.

We can back up our words with relevant information that addresses other senses, a brochure, something tactile they can hold, an aroma that relates to the topic or use a key communication technique Body Language.

Happy listening….thinking.